Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
