i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
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