singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
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