I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Randomize
