can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
