I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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