i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
