tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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