It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Randomize
