you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
