Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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