You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Boobs are out for the taking
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Randomize
