from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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