I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
