As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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