I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
