I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
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