Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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