moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
