Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
