I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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