I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
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