So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
I want to make a zoo with you.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize
