I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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