dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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