Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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