the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
