I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
Randomize
