i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
