i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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