I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I still have a little drunk in my system
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Randomize
