All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
