It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
