its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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