ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
