Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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