Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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