That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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