i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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