Hey man sorry I got all grabby
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Randomize
