rhymes with "ouble enetration"
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
