I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Randomize
