He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
