so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
