whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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