Barsexuality is the new black.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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