I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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