and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
