You made me cry and you don't even care
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
