I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
